One January 1985 morning, Lionel Richie rolled in from an all-nighter just in time for breakfast with the family. The prior night, he had hosted the American Music Awards, performed two of his hits, and won AMAs in six categories. His competition had included the biggest one-name icons in pop music history– Michael, Prince, Madonna, Bruce. This wasn’t exactly the Washington Generals.
Naturally, his family asked him about the awards and the award show. All he could talk about was the song he and 46 friends had recorded after the show. Thirty-nine years later, you can feel his joy and pride in telling the story, which is just one of the many compelling moments in the documentary The Greatest Night in Pop.
Why did Richie talk about this “we-are-the-world thing” instead of his industry recognition or his hosting gig or the feeling of performing in front of his peers? The answer gives us all a window into what it means to be truly Happy.
Happiness According to Another Set of One-Name Icons, the Greek Philosophers
“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.” – John Lennon (maybe*)
Lennon and Lennon’s mom had something figured out. We’ve all landed in the same place: Happiness is the key to life. But how do we obtain it? At an even more fundamental level, how do we define it? If we can’t define it, do we even know what to strive for?
The Greeks wrestled with these questions more than two thousand years ago, and it’s worth reviewing their conclusions.
Epicurus suggested that we achieve happiness when we strive for peace and freedom from fear. Epicureans recommend that we avoid pain. Sounds good. Pain is, well, painful.
But isn’t there joy in doing hard things? Doesn’t pain, at least the pain we experience when challenged, help us grow? And didn’t our opioid crisis (along with many other crises) warn us of the dangers of avoiding pain? Don’t most economic bubbles happen after a correction from either too much pain avoidance or too much short-term pleasure seeking?
Epictetus and the Stoics (who won Favorite Pop/Rock Band/ Duo/ Group in the first ever AMAs) burst on the scene a few centuries later. They tell us to delay gratification. Do hard things. Our reward comes from virtuous living. We should free ourselves and not worry about what we can’t control.
That starts to make more sense to me. I’ve talked about the marshmallow test for years. But taken to an extreme, there’s risk that we don’t enjoy the ride. Epictetus wouldn’t approve, but I’ve seen too many people delay gratification and struggle to find meaning in what they’re doing. They’re missing that Epicurean joy and wind up on the Hedonic Treadmill, thinking the next promotion or the new house or the big bonus will make them happy.
Aristotle, the OG of Happiness philosophizing, understood this dilemma. He drew a distinction between Hedonia, happiness derived from pleasure, and Eudaimonia, the happiness derived from seeking virtue and meaning. They’re both happiness, but Hedonia is that nutritionless pop song that you can’t get out of your head. Eudaimonia, on the other hand, would be the song that touches your soul, challenging you to re-think your place in the world, or maybe that anthem that shines a light on injustice. Think Wake Me Up Before You Go Go (Hedonia) vs. What’s Going On? (Eudaimonia).
What about Our Modern Understanding?
Okay. So what does all this have to do with Lionel Richie? I’ll get to that, but first we need to jump forward a few thousand years to modern-day Happiness research. While the Greeks put forth theories, we now have the scientific method to test those theories, and we have the recent positive psychology movement dedicated to this endeavor.
For at least the last fifty years, researchers have recorded the positive emotions people feel, trying to understand what brings them about, and what makes them enduring. Harvard Professor Shawn Achor, author of The Happiness Advantage, has leveraged these thousands of years of debate along with a few decades of testing to arrive at his preferred definition: “For me, happiness is the joy we feel striving after our potential.”
Boom. Ever since I saw Achor’s TEDTalk, that’s been my preferred definition.
Happiness is a feeling (Joy) that we experience when we’re achieving something (likely overcoming adversity). It’s not about the achievement. We’re not comparing ourselves to others, and we’re not tying up our happiness with some hedonic accomplishment. We’re just aiming to be a better version of ourselves.
That’s it. At least, that’s it for me. I love that feeling of closing the gap between who I am and who I want to be– whether it’s as a dad, a husband, a friend, or a co-worker. That’s when I feel happy.
Or so I thought before watching The Greatest Night in Pop.
Back to Lionel
Richie’s morning-after comment appears to validate Achor’s definition. He didn’t find his happiness based on past accomplishment (songs he had recorded a year earlier), and he didn’t derive happiness from some industry recognition (his six AMAs). He also didn’t find joy in his name being called instead of Prince’s (in case anyone feels bad for the purple one, Prince did walk away with three AMAs that night for his work on Purple Rain).
No, he couldn’t stop talking about the joy he felt in assembling 46 superstars, co-writing a song with Michael Jackson, convincing everyone to check their egos at the door, and delivering on something that seemed like a pipe dream. He felt the joy of striving after potential. He did something hard, that he had never done before and, at times, seemed impossible.
But here’s where Richie’s happiness adds two more dimensions to my (and Achor’s) definition.
Richie won those awards as a solo artist. I’m sure he’d name the team of musicians and producers and the like who helped him, but they called his name and his name alone. He also made a lot of money from recording those songs, and I’m sure felt like he was delivering happiness to his fans.
“We Are the World” was done as a collective. Richie felt the power of human connection and the joy of working together to overcome struggle. And he had a purpose well beyond selling albums or getting fans to get up and dance. Bob Geldof and Harry Belafonte had challenged him to use his privilege to make a difference to millions starving in Ethiopia.
Richie felt the joy of striving after his potential, and he felt the joy of human connection while being a part of something much bigger than himself. Achor’s research confirms these observations. As does Daniel Pink‘s work on human motivation. We need Purpose, and we feel most alive when we’re part of a team.
I don’t love “We Are the World” as a song. Or at least I didn’t. I admired the cause, but it always felt more Wham than Marvin Gaye. But watching the sausage get made gave me a new appreciation. How can you not smile as Stevie Wonder imitates Bob Dylan to help the future Nobel laureate overcome his reticence? How can you not get choked up watching those superstars pay homage to Belafonte, serenading him with Day-O? How can you not melt a little bit when Diana Ross asks Daryl Hall for his autograph?
And I love what We Are the World teaches us about happiness. I love when a group of people come together to make a difference, experience joy in their human connection, struggle together, and emerge a better version of themselves, both as individuals and a group.
It’s what we should strive for in our work and in our lives. After all, there’s a choice we’re making. We’re saving our own lives. It’s true, we’ll make a better day, just you and me. (Sorry. Couldn’t resist).
* It’s not clear if Lennon ever said this. Some attribute this quote to Goldie Hawn and there was definitely a variation in a Peanuts comic strip.